Sacred Sexuality: Healing Sexual Trauma Through Shadow Work & Somatic Practices
I understand this is a sensitive topic—and it can be deeply triggering. There was a time in my life when I couldn’t hear about or witness sexual disrespect. I couldn’t watch it on TV. I was repulsed. I felt sickened by the way men would take advantage of women—it contorted me inside and left me full of rage.
In this blog, I wish to portray an empowering message, one of transformation and healing. Mine was a journey of learning the hard way, but it gifted me the wisdom and insight I have today and led me to a more sacred relationship with the world. So I am grateful.
That is the reason for our lessons. And it’s why I share it here today.
I have been conscious not to go into too much detail or be too explicit, but I feel some things need to be included to demonstrate the power of the healing journey and how it can transform us. Read on with awareness of your own story and tolerance at the moment.
The shadow
About seven years ago, I embarked on my first shadow work course, and this uncovered a vast chasm within me. I hadn’t realised just how much anger, pain, resentment, and injustice I was carrying in my body. This revelation initiated a difficult period of sexual healing, which was challenging for both me and my partner. It took around four months for this wave to pass through me and heal.
Sex with my partner during that time was awful. I literally wanted to scratch his eyes out. What had been a relatively healthy, loving sex life, turned into a confusing and painful ordeal. My skin would crawl when he touched me; it felt like I wanted to burst out of my own skin and disappear. It was so confusing. Because I knew I loved him, but my body was full of hate. I didn’t understand why I was suddenly so triggered by him. It was deeply distressing.
Fortunately, I recognised that this was due to the shadow work; there was a dark shadow in me that really needed healing. It was screaming to be healed. And the only way out, is through.
My partner and I talked about it, and on some level, he understood. But it was difficult for him to hold that space for me as I processed the pain. Not only having to deal with the energy between us, but also that my trauma related to sexual experiences in my past, and I was taking it out on him. I was projecting my pain onto him and regarding him as the depiction of the toxic version of masculinity I had received throughout my life.
I worked with this energy through meditation, journaling, movement, somatic work and presence… it wasn’t easy. But at some point, the trauma left my body; I had to feel it all, and then it was done.
I created a new story - all men aren’t the same. I am safe in my body.
I remain grateful to him for being the one who had to experience this with me. We worked through it as consciously as possible.
Opening
Today, I’m over the moon to say that I have a healthy, joyful relationship with sex. I feel safe, comfortable, and free in intimate connection. This sense of liberation was once unimaginable to me. I believed I’d always be somewhat closed, guarded, or blocked:
unable to truly receive pleasure
unable to deliver myself to the experience
unable to get my needs met
But through some pretty tough shadow work combined with gentle, somatic, intuitive, and intentional healing, those blocks began to melt. It wasn’t just emotional—it was physical. My body softened and opened. With that came more pleasure, deeper receptivity, and a newfound sense of flow.
I didn’t even realise how blocked I had been. I just knew I feared the expectation of sex.
I was scared to say no, scared of not being enough. I feared the desire directed toward me, and I couldn’t fully enjoy sex. I went through long periods of struggling to climax, often feeling like I was just performing or doing it purely for the man. Ugh.
I was afraid—afraid I wouldn’t satisfy my partner, afraid to ask for what I needed, and afraid to say no.
I was unempowered.
Now I understand that my relationship toward sex, and everything the universe was reflecting back at me, was based on traumatic events that did matter, even if society tries to minimise or normalise such behaviour.
I was living with unhealed sexual energy, and this affected not only my body but also warped my sense of self and governed my experiences.
My Story
I was a young, single woman who didn’t understand her power or her right to boundaries. I didn’t know how to love or respect myself. I didn’t treat my body—or my sexuality—as sacred. The rhetoric was (and still is) that having casual sex is liberating — because that’s what we’re told liberation looks like:
‘‘Women should have the same sexual freedom as men. Women are the same as men’’.
We are not. The very fact that a man enters a woman’s body is different. We carry that energy inside us, they don’t.
I believed I was making empowered choices. But in reality, I was playing out a harmful narrative: that women must mirror men to be equal. That promiscuity is liberation.
But true freedom doesn’t come from copying a distorted version of male sexuality—it comes from deep self-knowledge and conscious choice.
Sexual trauma is more common than we think.
As women, we are often exposed to disrespectful behaviour from men—and this can begin as far back as childhood. It doesn’t always come from obvious sources like assault or abuse. Often it stems from things we might dismiss as “minor”:
being stared at in the street
receiving unwanted attention in a school playground
having our boundaries crossed before we even knew what boundaries were.
My experience has spanned from men pleasuring themselves publicly when I am alone, vulnerable and out minding my own business, to men following me, and worst of all, men refusing to hear my NO, even when I’d say it over and over again.
These experiences don’t just leave emotional wounds. They become stored in our bodies—within our cells, our womb space, our tissues.
They also paint a picture of masculinity which is deeply damaging.
I now believe this is not a true representation of masculinity; it is a broken and unhealed version. But it tainted my image of men in general, and I can see how this is also present in mainstream and social media - a mistrust and lack of respect for men. It is a shame. In the role of protector, men are wonderful. It is when they lose their power that they become predators. There is another story, and I hope that in time, men will heal, too.
I was used and abused, I said no a hundred times, and they did it anyway. My voice was not heard, my no was not respected. At around age twenty-seven, I resorted to celibacy. However, sadly, this was seen as a game - a lusty challenge, to some men, and during this time, I experienced the ultimate violation.
This was the straw that broke this camel’s back.
And as demoralising as it was, it was the turning point. The point of no return. I hardened my resolve and slammed the door shut. I channelled my energy into repairing my heart and regaining my power.
After about eight months, I thought I was ready, but what I didn’t realise was that all that trauma was still living within me - only to reemerge when I found myself in a loving relationship, where I suppose my body understood it was safe to do the necessary healing, in the arms of his love
Conscious Choice
To be clear—I’m not saying it’s wrong to have multiple partners. If it’s coming from a place of self-awareness, embodiment, and genuine desire, then fair enough. Furthermore, sometimes we do simply need to have our sexual needs met—and that’s valid. We are sexual beings, and our sexual energy is one of the most powerful forces we have. When we learn to work with it consciously, it can liberate us. But when we ignore, repress, or misuse it, it can harm us.
I am not here to condemn people’s choices; I am just here to tell my story and offer my personal reflections. For me, that lifestyle didn’t serve me. It was ultimately harmful, and it is my belief that it’s unhealthy for humanity.
Because when sex is casual, it is largely about egoic needs and physical gratification.
It is not about connection and soul.
It is not rooted in the heart. It is not sacred. It doesn’t honour the miracle of life and the essence of unity.
On some level, this leaves us feeling empty. I believe that this is not just true for women, but for men too.
Too often, especially when we’re young, we don’t yet know ourselves or our boundaries. And as we navigate these experiences, we carry psycho-emotional projections and wounds that cloud our choices.
Ancestral Healing
You might be carrying the weight of not only your own experiences, but those passed down through the motherline—the red thread. In my personal experience, my sexual healing journey has very much included the experiences of my mother, my sister and likely other women in my lineage. An energy has been carried down - one of disempowerment, disrespect and even sexual abuse.
Other things we subconsciously internalise are the relationship between our parents, the relationship between ourselves and our parents, even the energy of our parents’ relationship at the time of our conception. The things we witness around us - this shapes our understanding of what it is to be a woman, and our relationship to our bodies. We hold all these codes of information in our body and energetic field.
Not to mention the witch wounds and the deep psycho-socio-somatic impact that has had on the female psyche. But that’s for another blog.
This work has landed with me to heal it. To clear the wounds passed down through generations. And, as painful as it has been at times, I’m grateful. I’m so grateful that I get to liberate and finally enjoy a different narrative. That I get to enjoy sex. I get to write a new story—one where I honour, celebrate and consciously explore my body.
But it didn’t start that way.
My journey began with disempowerment, disguised as liberation.
Why does this matter so much?
Because as women, our sacral chakra—our sexual and creative centre—is also our power source. When sexual energy is blocked by trauma, shame, fear, or conditioning, it doesn’t just affect our sex lives. It shows up everywhere and can also lead to health conditions and menstrual issues.
We might experience:
Painful or unfulfilling sex
Difficulty reaching orgasm
Menstrual issues (irregular, painful, or heavy periods)
Reproductive conditions (like endometriosis, PCOS, fertility struggles)
Recurring problems like thrush or cystitis
Emotional stagnation
Financial blocks or instability
Yes—our sacral health is even tied to our financial wellbeing. When we have released trauma from our tissues and energy is flowing freely, we feel creative, connected, healthy, abundant, and alive.
Ways to approach this work
Whether your reason to do this work is to improve sexual health, release negative feelings, appreciate men more purely, transform your relationships, connect to your body, access deeper self-love, relieve pain and tension or to enjoy sex more and have stronger orgasms - maybe all these things, maybe something completely different - IT IS WORTH IT.
If you think you have stored sexual trauma held in your body, I recommend the following practices to help tease out, heal and release. First and foremost, set a foundation of self-compassion and forgiveness. This can be done with a heart-focused meditation or gentle, loving somatic touch, whatever method works best for you as you traverse through this deep work:
♀️ Somatic Inquiry
♀️ Wombspace healing
♀️ Tummy massage
♀️ Breathwork
♀️ Innerchild work
♀️ Sexual healing work
♀️ Bodywork/reiki
♀️ Dance/somatic movement
♀️ Therapy/counselling
♀️ Shadow work (make sure you have a solid support network and are ready to explore this)
♀️ Feminine embodiment practices
There is much to say on this subject, and this article barely scratches the surface. But for now, the main takesaways from this piece are that sexual trauma is more common than we think, we may carry down energies and patterns from our lineage, we store negative experiences and information in our tissues (epecially wombspace) and, finally, when we take the first step to healing and start to listen to the messages of the body, she will soften, open, find greater balance and healing.
She will make space for a new story.
If you’d like to receive monthly tools, vidoes and insights around sacred femininity, cyclical living, shadow work, womb work, somatic work, sexual healing, tantra, breathwork, witch work, healing and so much more, drop your email below 💟
With much love,
Rebecca
